Anamg, who also has a child inside the autistic spectrum and a smaller one, made this comment yesterday:
When there is a child with a serious illness, autism, Down syndrome, diabetes ... parents ask ourselves many questions about the brothers.If they still do not exist, we ask ourselves very much if we have another child, fear if the problem will be repeated or for how to handle the situation.If the brother is here, many doubts also assault us.It is logical.Family dynamics is very affected.
Anamg, I understand you perfectly, especially in the phase in which Julia was more baby.When we had Jaime's diagnosis she had just a month.I had it in my chest, in my arms, when they confirmed that our beautiful golden child had a disorder that was going to affect him a lifetime.
At that moment I pushed him out of my mind and struggled to think that I had to enjoy my children and that if the time was to cross that bridge, we would already cross it as we could better, but that it was not a plan to get ahead.
In addition, if we had detected a problem with Julia, it would surely have been much earlier and have caught us much more prepared to help her proper.
But the truth is that Julia's development soon reassured us.Luckily it is a wasp that meets all the milestones of development.
Apparently it is something that sometimes happens with the little brothers of children with an autism that are stimulated at home.
Not only are they surrounded by Puzzles, they see you work daily at the table with their brother and participate (for a few months it is common that when I feel to work with Jaime Julia, participating voluntaryly).
You want or not apply those stimulation techniques, which you already have interiorized.What we learn for Jaime comes out for Julia.For example: you constantly sing and stop so that they say the endings of the song, you stop at an open door to be told "open" (in fact we have done it with the dog, I confess it even if it is a bit shameful),Yes affection, it is a very beautiful red drawing ”)… There are thousands of small daily.
And precisely this week my saint and I realized that we have never told our children to shut up.We have never told them "I can't pay you attention to you, that the elderly are talking".Obviously influenced by the fight for our eldest son to express himself orally, provided they speak we do cases and if possible we elongate the conversation.
On the other hand is the relationship between them.I don't think my experience can help anyone since it depends much on how each child is.Jaime is a sky, a very sweet child.His sister is ignored most of the time.But he misses her when she is not (one of the first words she has learned to say is "Julia") and has specific moments in which he looks for her, hugs her and laughs with her.They have never fought.He has never pushed or made the minimum aggressive gesture.There are also no jealous problems.The truth is that Jaime behaviorally does not present problems makes things much easier.She is increasingly imitates our way of acting with him: he takes him by the hand, he takes him from one place to another, if he takes cables he takes them out of his hands, he wants to help us dress him, wash his head ... probably whatever heGirl influences that she is adopting that caregiver role.
I would obviously prefer to stick from time to time, to be chillated, to play together ... in short that they had that typical relationship of the brothers of "neither with you nor without you".But that's what there is.
Your relationship will evolve.I don't know how.
It's not me to give advice but in this case I would tell you that you were calm and on guard.What about every difficulty that may come trusting in your instinct.And that you tried to enjoy the evolution of your two children with acceptance.Each in its own way, has a magical way of becoming an adult and discovering the world.It would be a shame to miss it.
At least it's what I try to do.
I would love, if you have children with any problem (not necessarily autism) to tell us in the comments your experience: if they have brothers, if they made you have no more children, how is their relationship and how it has evolved.
Tags: autism, brothers | stored in: Children's Things