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"in Opus Dei, your head is raped." A lesbian in Opus: five years of submission and life afterwards _

By hollisterclothingoutlet 17/05/2022 433 Views

Victoria tiene 29 años, es lesbiana, médica y ex miembro del Opus Dei, una congregación católica ultra ortodoxa con presencia en 68 países y 90 mil miembros. Muchos de ellos son profesionales de alto perfil, que ofician como alfiles de la Iglesia, y que se mueven en los tres poderes del Estado, en el sistema de salud, el educativo y el sector privado.

From the age of 18 to 23, Victoria lived in Federal Capital in a center of this institution, where the directives, who responded to the "community" practices of the organization of Opus Dei, imposed on it systematic and sacrificed restrictions.She did not allow her to administer her money from her, without being accountable and ask permission before using it.Nor did he have a key to the building that he considered his “home”, -so that they always see what time he entered and left there -nor could he buy clothes without supervision, or watch movies that have not been “approved”, nor keep thegifts that someone could do;She didn't even have permission to choose what, or when.

Tampoco le dejaban tener amigas “muy cercanas” (eso era visto como peligroso), ni tener su propia computadora para usar internet, porque eso también era un riesgo. El tiempo de ocio no existía para ella: su rutina alternaba entre ir a la facultad, ir a misa o tener charlas “de adoctrinamiento”, reconoce. No tenía intimidad, ni siquiera, en su propia mente: incluso cuando rezaba sola y en silencio, tenia un libro de oraciones que seguir. Ella tenía la puerta de salida abierta, pero eso no era suficiente para poder irse.

At the same time, she watched how Opus co -took young adolescents and women without tools to defend themselves, in situations of absolute vulnerability, from provinces such as Chaco, and brought them to these centers in Buenos Aires with the promise of offering them a better life andto provide them with education.However, they made them believe, from manipulations linked to a commitment to religious fidelity, that God "asked them" to do careful care of women and male centers.They, called "auxiliary number", could not leave there, because they also had no money, they had lost contact with their containment network and had no work experience.Literally, they were on the street.

Do they have them enslaved?

-The table serves you as if you were a ... the table serves you!They get your plate!

And you could say this, question it?

-Yes, but for everything they have an answer, they tell you that "in Argentina it happened like this" ... they are super class.

The forms that Vicky had to show loyalty to God included sleeping, every day, on a wooden table, use two hours per day a metal attached to his body that punctured his skin and eventual auto flagellations: all this should be promptly notifiedto a superior, who demanded every week that he tells him absolutely everything he did and what he did not."I tell you that I keep dreaming that I'm still there, I didn't leave," she reveals.

And what do you dream?

-The last time I dreamed that I was Sabri, and that there were people from Opus.I dreamed that I was there, I hadn't left.

Sabri is his girlfriend, with whom he lives.When I met her, in her house, she was leaving to play football, a sport that both loves.Vicky received me in her department in Crocs and a joggin, she invited me a citrus tea and offered me, so that she is more comfortable, to take my shoes.Her department has a smell of sahumerio and clean, she told me that it is because she came to make a note, but I don't believe her.

Approach to flock

Vicky grew up in a Catholic family in La Plata, her parents are also from Opus and she grew up in a school in this institution.Although she remembers that she as a girl played with her cousins to the ball, everyone's world revolved around a female universe: a school of girls where you referes her were adult women.Although she did not know that she was a lesbian, she tells me that when she was a girl, she once, she cut a picture of Pampita from a magazine, without knowing very well why she did it."It was so obvious!" She tells me, laughing.

At age 14 he began his way as a member of Opus.It was at that time that teachers at her school approached her to invite her to participate in activities that, at first, excited her a lot.

“En el Opus Dei, te violan la cabeza” | Una lesbiana en el Opus: cinco años de sumisión y la vida después | Página12

How was your process to integrate Opus?

-First, they grab you as a young man, when you don't understand a shit of life, and less coming from such a biased school.They begin with things like "We are going to an asylum of old people", "We go to a hospital to read stories to the children, things like that, you say" How nice! ", And in the middle you get their little charlites.

What do they tell you in the charlitas?

-What you can do things for others, that you can make your life make sense.That if you do what God asks you, you will be happy.And that is closing you: do what God asks you, be good with people and it's going well in life.It closes you, but in the middle they co -opt and put ideas that are not so good.

How things?

-As the idea of modesty, for example.They have reeatudas re rules, such as "you can't use bikini", do you understand?Everything is sin and everything is guilt.I mean, think that for them, it is sin until I think: "I want to have relationships with such a person. How good it would be!", That is already a sin.Everything that is sex is impure.

And you realized that you were sinning?Did you have those ideas sometimes?

-Yes Yes…

And that generated guilt?

-Tota Total, all the time.For example, the issue of masturbation, -which now I realize that everything is good -at that time it was not right, it was a sin.For them it is a mortal sin, you are going to hell for that.

What did you like about all this?

-The idealist, the idea that one can change the world, bullshit like that.It's like a club, they grab you as a girl, they have cooking classes, singing, dance ... and in the middle you get doctrine.Now I realize that it is normal for anything to close you, or that you doubt everything.But at that time you have all the answers ... that is, it is very simple, the rules do not have gray, they are very simple and short, and you have a group to which they belong, in which everyone thinks the same.

How was a day in your life at that time, at age 14?

-I lived with my family, I got up at six in the morning, read the Bible a little ... Then I went to school, I went to Mass, the rosary prayed when I could;Also in the morning he did a prayer, which is like half an hour, in which you are praying with God, as if it were a conversation.And in those talks, they ask you to be open to what God asks you.

And what did God ask you?

-Well, I flashé that God asked me to have a total delivery, that I am numbering, do you understand?Nobody told me "come", but I "felt it."So, it is assumed that if God asked you this, you have to do it.Clever.Why?Because you swore fidelity, so you don't want to leave there, you want to make all your effort to stay.

And at no time did you question what they told you?

-In reality, yes.There are things that do not close you, but their tactic is that they get into, putting, putting, and then you feel that you cannot leave.

The closing

At age 14, Vicky knew that he wanted to have a total delivery with God: to be, in the Opus world, a "numerary", that is, a secular person who makes vows of chastity, fidelity and poverty, and that lives a center of thisOrganization that is basically a house inhabited by the other.These places are solved by the “super -umeraries”, people from Opus who are married and living with their families, but who also participate contributing money monthly and attending their periodic religious activities.

Although he could only reach this position at age 18, his life was already governed by his rules while living with his parents;Even when he was a minor, he already used a metal that lacquered his skin as a way of showing commitment to God through pain, and every week he met with someone from Opus to have sessions “as if they were psychologists, but with peoplethat had zero training in mental health. ”

And what answer did that person give you?

-You are guided according to your personal opinion.My big problem at that time was that it made me very friendly of the people and fell in love with the girls, I always had someone there ...

How a crush?

-Of course.But I couldn't have particular friends with someone, do you understand?It supposes that we are five numbers, it is obvious that someone is going to fall better to you and you want to make you better friend of that person.Well, no.You can not.You have to be equally friend with everyone.If you see you that you always do activities with one, they separate you.

And didn't it bother you to do that?

I killed me.She killed me because, on top of that, I was in love.It happened to me a lot of times.Then I realized that it was that, but at that moment it cost me a lot and I had to deny it.

Living as a number implies a sacrifice, in addition to the commitment to treat co -opt, a job that Vicky never achieved, "luckily."From 18 to 23, she could hardly see her parents, who lived in La Plata, because they did not let her sleep in a place other than that center.She could not go to the doctor or buy clothes without being accompanied.She didn't have free time or vacation.Therefore, she didn't have clothes from home either: she always had to be dressed to go to Mass, with a shirt, chatitas and dress pants.

You were involved in something re heavy, were you aware of all these impositions?Didn't you want to go?

-They always say that the exit door is very open, referring to the fact that at any time you can go.That is, you have no bonds, but if you have the binding of your head.And, in addition, the people who leave Opus, -because many people leave -is like disappearing.I remember that with my friends, at 14, one of the girls who gave us talks, she left.And Chau, it was like she died.It is not that they tell you "such a person realized that she did not like it, but she is now happy ...", no, they are not going to tell you that.There is no more talk, there is no more.And you don't want to be that person.You want to go ahead, I don't know how much ...

And they had no problem that you are a medical student?

-No, all good.They like university people, but you never end up adapting.It is difficult to become friends when you are from Opus.Once I came to visit a friend and I died of shame.

And what did you tell your UBA friends about this life that you lived?

It's like a closet to be religious.You have to explain that you are number.And, above, in the background it is something that does not like it and, then, it is ashamed.

Did you like to go to Facu?

-Yes Yes.The truth, that I enjoyed the faculty a lot, because it was like my relief.

And you didn't escape?Didn't they want to lie, to say that you went to the faculty, but in reality you went to a party, to take something ...?

-No, because I was super tattered.In addition, you have no keys to your home, which you have to touch the door, that you have to reach a schedule.

Another of the ways that Vicky had to show devotion to God was through physical suffering.She every day slept in a bed that was basically a wooden table.Above there was a mattress -so that there is an appearance of "normality" -, but at night she had to take it out.

Once, he remembers, he felt "a boluda": the numerary men had gone on vacation and had sent them to clean the house.There, she discovered that they could sleep in mattresses.When she protested for this, the directives told her that women have more ability to feel pain, and that it was like a "privilege."

What do you feel about this, now that you look back?

-It generates anger.Because it's like they violate your head.

How strong that phrase.

-Yes.They grab you from little girl, do you understand?When you don't have tools, when you know nothing about life.It's horrible, they manipulate you.And you lose a lot of time, I feel that I lost a lot of time, I lost a lot of things ... it's fine, I try to look at the positive side, I learned a lot of things ...

You learned?

-I think experience and be able to change the mentality.I made fun of the hockey teacher because we had discovered that she was a cake, and now I passed myself to the other side.Imagine, I was on the march against equal marriage ...

Vicky took six months to leave.The constant mistreatment of the directors were determinants.However, she could not grab her things and paste a door because her parents were part of the organization and she did not want "everything wrong."They were months where they tried to convince her in all possible ways, even sent her to a psychologist (of Opus, of course).However, she remained firm, as she could, and she remembers as a moment of "total liberation, complete release" the day she left, knowing that she was never going back again.

Alcoba repressions

“Going back to sleep in a normal bed, doing what your ass is singing is wonderful.You have to value it every day, I swear, ”she says.“But then there is another topic: you are 23 years old and everyone talks about catching and you did not take in your life.It is shameful.You don't have any experience, ”she explains.

At 23, when he could finally leave, his life hit a flying.He stopped believing in God and in Church and religious institutions.She didn't chase her anymore, she stopped confessing and going to Mass.Between Tinder and Fiestas, she regained the lost time living a second adolescence.But going out with men didn't interest him.Despite having many appointments, she "she felt nothing."That was when she decided to go on a trip: she landed in Cuba, alone.“There she was in another country and relaxed.I had an experience with a chabon, just because I wanted to stop being a virgin, ”she recalls."And there, in the last week of my trip I know a kid," she tells me, smiling, because she knows that the best begins here.

The kid was an Austrian with the very sharp Gaydar: he saw Vicky and immediately knew that Paki was not.He faced her and she let himself be face."It was spectacular.Everyone I didn't feel with men, I felt it at that time.I mean, she touched an arm and felt all electricity.It was spectacular. "" I went from 0 to 10 there, it was my first kiss, my first everything. "

When he arrived in Argentina, it was another."I felt 10, I felt, I felt happy for the first time in my life."At that time she met in a guard the current girlfriend of her, who was presented to her family right away.She no longer tolerated any more closet, nor did she plan to continue hiding.Too much cost him the freedom he had earned, and he did not plan to take a step back or lose any conquered victory.You don't have to imagine too much that, her parents, at first the idea did not like it at all, "but they ended up loosening," Vicky confesses.Now she has lesbian friends, she plays football, she has clothes from Entrecasa, she lives with her girlfriend, they sleep together in a mattress, she has an adorable cat that cools on her legs, she has a beautiful balcon17th floor, and inhabits the LGBTIQ atmosphere, of which you feel part.

Do you feel that your parents were accomplices of what you lived in Opus?

-They can be, but unintentionally.I don't feel that ... I don't know ...

Doesn't a blame weigh?Don't you blame them for them?

-No no no.I blame religion.I am angry with religion, with Opus, but not with them.

Do you feel that you are survivor of OPUS?

-A little, yes.

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